Our experiences during treatment, recovery, and "chemo brain"

Sarah: Well, I think, you know, there’s the obvious difference of the fact that Vika definitely wanted to have kids—[to Vika] you wanted to have kids, and I’m not necessarily…I don’t know. I’ve just never—I love kids, and I love taking care of them—I babysit—but beyond that I don’t necessarily need my own. But also, there’s the difference of the fact that, you know how Vika’s talking about Adam, her husband, doing so much at research. Well, both Vika and Adam are, I mean, if you want to know anything, ask them, because they’re research, research, research oriented, and I was the total opposite, I mean, I didn’t look up anything online, I let other people look at it for me. Which may be helpful for you and Adam, but…

Vika: Yeah, and actually, when she said that, I…what had to happen was that Adam had to cut me off from the computer because there’s so much information out there…you know, you get the opinions of people that experienced the worst possible case scenario and then you have these other people that, you know, blog about it, you know, being the best experience of their life, and—not best, but most—tolerable experience, so you’ve got the best-case scenarios, the worst-case scenarios—you don’t have the typical opinion about it, so…so eventually I was cut off from searching the Internet, because you never know what you can find on there, and I would start reading worst-case scenarios and get myself really upset about it, so…so he was my research man. Sarah: Yeah. And for me, I mean, I just couldn’t…I mean, for some reason I just couldn’t go on the computer and look it all up. I mean, there were a few times where I would go on the American Cancer Society Web site, or something like that and get some basic information, but it would often just make me so…I don’t know, sad or upset, and so it was nice to actually be able to go to Gilda’s Club because then you can talk to people about it. I guess I really needed the interaction that we had in the group, because even, you know, just recently when Vika and I met up again, it’s like every time I talk to her I can say, like, are you still experiencing this issue, you know. I mean, we’ve been out of chemo for a year and a half, but still, there are just some side effects that take a while to really get out of your system.

Vika: I definitely have chemo brain.

Sarah: Yeah, I have chemo brain, too. Chemo brain is when you forget things that, normally, I mean, I’m assuming Vika did, too, I didn’t really know her before the chemo, but before, I would never forget anything. I mean, I really felt like I was pretty on as far as remembering things, and now I forget big things. I mean, like, people being pregnant, just big things and I don’t know why I forgot it, but I do.